Honestly

Honestly… I’m not sure what to do with this blog lately.

I have ideas, but I rarely sit down to write anymore.  And the posts I have started just end up saved as drafts.  Something always stops me from finishing and hitting that publish button.

Sometimes it’s just the busyness of life.  It usually takes me a while to write and there have been plenty of partial posts that were interrupted when nap time ended or when things came up that were necessary to accomplish.

But other times… well, lately there’s something else that holds me back.

This may sound strange, given that I shared so much so openly after Faith was born, but I feel less inclined to put myself out there these days.

There are things I’ve read and things I’ve seen in the day to day that make me value my privacy, and that of our family, more and more.  Nothing dramatic has happened, it’s simply me grappling with the way that social media and this world of the internet impacts society and individual lives.

I’m also not sure where my niche is anymore.

Before Faith was born I blogged just for the fun of it.  An assortment of random stuff, from recipes to vacations to funny stories that happened at home.  Some things were deeper and more significant, but for the most part it was whatever I felt like sharing.

After Faith was born this blog became much more serious.  Looking back I am so thankful for this space where I could sort through the process of grief and hopefully provide comfort and hope to others that might walk a similar road.  I like the meaning that those posts held.  I like the spiritual depth that was often a primary focus.

But now… I feel torn between writing about the day to day happenings or trying to really hone in on things that have deeper significance.

I tend to over analyze many things in general, and I guess I’m doing that with this blog.  Even now, as I type these words, I wonder if I’m making any sense and if it’s worth putting these thoughts out there.

I’m going to though, because I feel bad about leaving things quiet for so long.

I hate to feel like I’m letting people down and sometimes I wonder if I am when I don’t write here.  Silly, I know, but it crosses my mind.

Honestly, at the end of all this rambling, what I want you to know is this… whatever I end up doing next with this blog and however long it takes to sort things out, I am thankful to you for coming along on this journey with me.

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The Last Summer Challenge

I can’t believe it’s the last week of summer already.  Where did the time go?!

I’m wrapping up the Summer Challenge this week and I was having a really hard time deciding what to do.

I’d love to do a challenge based on creating a bunch of freezer meals.  I know it would help me getting back into the school year, but I also know I won’t have much time for that this week with the other things still on my to do list.

I thought of a challenge based on listening to some classical music, since music is near and dear to my heart and I know that many people rarely listen to classical now.  But I decided against that since we’ve already been listening to a lot of it lately (Natalie loves it!) so it wouldn’t be much of a challenge for me personally.

I thought about a challenge based on the Sabbath and truly making it a day of rest, but this weekend is Labor Day and I imagine it could be tough to take a full day of rest given all the stuff that often goes on for the holiday weekend.

So… here’s what I finally settled on.  My challenge is to soak it all in and be thankful this week.  It’s definitely a personal challenge – very specific to what I need right now – but I hope it can be an encouraging challenge to you as well!

Lately I’ve been feeling those end of summer blues creeping in.  A couple weekends ago I was really bummed out.  I know I can’t complain, given that I had the whole summer off, but it’s hard to think about going back to school when I’ve so enjoyed my time at home.  It’s especially tough this year because I’ll miss spending time with Natalie.

I know I’m at risk of dwelling on that this week.  Of feeling gloomy because summer is coming to an end.  But I don’t want those feelings to bring me down.  I want to fully enjoy this last week!

I want to soak it all in… the cuddly mornings with Natalie, the afternoon walks, the comfy clothes, the freedom and flexibility.  I want to enjoy it and be thankful, not only for this last week of summer but also for what is to come.

Thankful for my job.  Thankful that Natalie is in great hands with my mom while I’m at work.  Thankful for family and health and the year to come.  Thankful because God is with me each step of the way.

I hope you can take some time this week to be thankful as well and that you can soak in the moments as August comes to a close.

Also… if you want to look back at any of the previous challenges and try one of those, now would be a great time!  Below is the full list with links.  Thanks for following along and enjoy!

 

A Change of Scenery

I’ve been thinking about changing the style of my blog for a while but couldn’t quite settle on one that I liked.  Well, today I found one that appealed to me so I’m giving it a try.  It’s not very different from the last style, but I like the larger format.  It feels clean and easy to read to me.

I may be fiddling around with some details here and there, but hopefully this will be the new look, at least for a while!

What do you think?

If I Could…

It’s been tough to keep up with this blog lately.  I haven’t been writing in my journal much either.

I miss it.  I enjoy writing as a way to process my thoughts and preserve them for the future.

If I could I would have written many times recently.  There’s a lot going on and I’d love to share some of the things that have been in my head and on my heart.  But life has been pretty busy and there are other things that take priority.

And that’s okay.  Life is busy but life is full, and I’m thankful.

But if I could I would tell you all about…

The transition back to school.  It was smoother than I thought it would be but I’m still counting the days (5 school days!) until spring break.

The fact that we’re moving to a new house soon!  I’m very excited.  It’s been a lot of work, which means I’m also very tired.  I’m looking forward to this new adventure.

How much I love being Natalie’s mom.  Natalie is amazing.  (I’m biased, I know)  I am filled with joy at the incredible privilege of being her mom.  What a wonderful gift!

What I’ve been thinking about Faith lately.  She’s on my mind in a different way than before.  I feel at peace.  I feel refined.  I feel like it might take me hours to express myself in the right way when fully sharing those things.

I’d also love to just post some simple stuff… recipes, some tips of things that helped me going back to work with a baby, songs I’m enjoying, pictures just for the fun of it.

If I could I would write it all.

Hopefully I’ll be able to share at least some of it.  I’ll do my best!  But for now Natalie is hungry, and I’m getting pretty hungry myself, and tomorrow starts another week.

So I’ll leave you with this cute face and hopefully I’ll be back soon!

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Day 26

I’m thankful for relaxing hot showers.  A nice way to wash away the day, have some peace and quiet, and stay warm too!  Am I already in my pajamas at 5:30pm?  Yes indeed.

Day 25

I’m thankful for a warm car and Steve driving us safely home in yucky weather.  We visited his brother and sister-in-law today and on the drive home ran into quite the wintery storm.  No fun!  It’s those kinds of things that make me wonder why I live here, haha!

Off to finish up some things around the house and get to bed early… back to school tomorrow.  I hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving weekend!

Day 17

I am thankful for my friends from college.

Steve and I got to hang out last night with one of my wonderful friends and her (also wonderful!) fiance.  We went to undergrad together, then she moved here for grad school and it’s been great having her close by!  My other college girlies are farther away, and I definitely miss the time we spent together back when we lived on campus.

I’m thankful for the memories we made together at school.  I’m thankful for the time we’ve been able to spend together since graduation.  I’m thankful for the phone chats and emails to keep in touch.  Most of all, I’m thankful that, even if the distance is far, we are still close in spirit!