It’s different now. Different than it was at first. Different than it was just a couple months ago. It is almost impossible to put into words, to find a way to describe the emotions and thoughts that come and go and change as time passes.
It’s been 8 months. I miss her, but it is a different kind of missing now.
It used to be so tangled up and messy. I missed everything all at once. The excitement and anticipation, the baby we thought we would raise, the dreams of who our child would be, the life I thought I would live, the innocence that was gone…
Now I miss her.
It’s more settled and simple. Almost peaceful in some way. Like how you miss someone you love when you have to be apart and you don’t know how long it will be until you see them again… you miss them but you look forward to that reunion.
I picture Faith, not as a baby, but as a little girl of about 5 years old. Perhaps that sounds strange, but when I imagine her in Heaven that’s what comes to mind. Maybe I think of her that way because I like to picture her being big enough to run to greet me, but small enough for me to pick her up and twirl her around in my arms.
I love the last chapters of the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia. The joy of the reunion as the characters all meet again in “the real Narnia” always stuck with me.
Can I truly imagine what our reunion will be like? At the start of our eternity together in Heaven? The purest joy beyond anything I have ever felt.
Until then, I’ll be missing her.
And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before. ~The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis